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By Stephen Desberg

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Shortly after her divorce, Marjorie took a trip to Paris over the Christmas holiday. When she said good-bye to her friends Julian and Barbara, Barbara patted her lovingly on the ami and said with a smile, 'You don't have to go all the way to Paris not to be alone at Christmas. ' Marjorie said thank you for the kind offer. But she felt rotten. Her exciting trip was reframed as a pathetic attempt to avoid being alone over the holiday. Yet because the reframing was done by an apparently generous gesture, she didn't think of objecting.

Instead of ending the disagreement, this made Maria angry all over again. Maria didn't really believe she had been at fault. Then why did she apologize? It was a gesture of good will, a conventionalized way to show she was ready to end the discussion—and the disagreement—like a ritual handshake. She expected Lillian to do the same, saying something like, 'I'm sorry too. I guess I tend to be too indirect' or 'take too much for granted' or any formulation of her behaviour that claimed part of the responsibility.

Some of these examples of framing and refraining have to do with feeling put down or supported, manipulated or in control. This aspect of framing can be understood in terms of one last dimension of human communication—power and solidarity. 78 Power and Solidarity Jack visits his grandmother in a nursing home. She boasts that she is really 'in' with the nurses because they call her Millie. Jack isn't pleased; he thinks they aren't treating his grandmother with proper respect.

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